My wife and I were sitting at a busy intersection waiting for the traffic light to turn green. We had recently moved to start a church. The past two years had been a very different time in our lives. They had been very difficult also. We were discussing how those previous two years had impacted our family when she asked an insightful question,
“Have you ever thought this move is more about our boys than it is us?”
That’s where the conversation paused. That moment lingered for a very long time.
Part of our desire in jumping off the cliff of church planting (which is the way I saw it) was the opportunity to experience GOD’S faithfulness. We wanted people to know that you could trust Him with everything and that He was sufficient. We especially wanted our sons to experience a faith that was real and alive, more than a Sunday morning activity. We wanted them to own it.
During this time, our sons had a front row seat watching this drama unfold. They walked with us door to door asking residents how we could serve them. They gave out innumerable bottles of water. They loaded and unloaded sound equipment weekly. And they prayed. Boy did they pray. We had talked with them early on about the opportunities this move would provide, but we had not discussed the difficulties we would encounter because we didn’t know it would be so hazardous. However, as challenges arose, we told them (as much as they could handle). We invited them to hear and know what it was like to serve a GOD who responds in ways we cannot control and does things we cannot understand. Our family talked about the struggle to trust GOD was working in spite of our circumstances. Rather than shy away from discussing the difficult realities of walking with GOD, we talked about patience and disappointment. They saw GOD answer specific prayers and they also saw unanswered prayers. They waited on GOD to answer, only to get no answer. They have been frustrated and saddened with Him just like their parents. They’ve also been surprised with Him and His sustaining strength.
No, we haven’t always been the best examples of people who walk by faith. But that’s never been our goal anyway. Our hope has been to be the most real examples of walking by faith. – to embrace the hardships, to let go of our dreams and to walk through confusing darkness with no light. Consequently, our family has experienced the splendid power, astonishing grace and great love of Jesus in the face of life’s challenges. Because in spite of what any of us endures, those three things will always be true.
It was a lesson for us and it’s an encouragement that I pass along to other parents. When life is hard and your faith is being tested, don’t protect your children. Let them be as much a part of the challenge as they can handle, which means you need to discern what they can handle. Do not shield them from the difficulties because those moments are when they begin to see most clearly with eyes of faith. Talk with them about the trials. Don’t worry about being strong for them. Just be authentic with them. They need to know that questions, tears and confusion are as much a part of faith as peace and joy.
GOD is dangerous, in case you don’t know. He created cobras, tigers and tsunamis. Learning to love, trust and follow Him is a wild adventure that keeps you on your toes. When we shield our children from the common struggles, we are creating a false illusion. We are leading them to believe GOD keeps us safe if we will trust Him. But that’s false. GOD doesn’t protect us from trouble; He empowers us to live through trouble so that we overcome it. That’s the lesson we read in the Bible repeatedly. GOD did not protect people in the Bible from slavery, prison, physical or verbal abuse, poverty, disease or any such tragedies. But He did enable them to endure and overcome. That’s what He does for us. We parents model that kind of faith for our children. Life is hard, but GOD is sufficient for every harsh reality we face. The value of that one lesson cannot be overestimated. And if you learn it early, it will build a strong foundation for later.
It’s been more than a decade since my wife’s insightful moment of clarity at that intersection.
“Have you ever thought this move is more about our boys than it is us?”
Her words have proven to be true on many levels. While we were focusing our attention on planting a church that would impact generations to come, GOD was quietly, but powerfully, working in the hearts of a teenage boy and his younger brother. His plans to prosper them and to give them a hope and a future involved a move, a new church and so much more. GOD was planting seeds of strength and wisdom in them. And has been watering them ever since.
Be assured that He is doing the same in your children when life is tough. He is shaping them in ways you can’t imagine. In your darkness, GOD is calling your children to come to Him, to trust Him and to bring the depths of their hearts to Him. He is compelling them to say more than just Sunday School prayers of blessing the missionaries and helping the poor. They are learning to live in the disappointment. They are learning the struggle of prayer. They are learning of the deep love and enduring faithfulness of GOD. Those lessons can’t be taught; they can only be learned.
Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
– Jesus
